


Mutal Hate Actually Means You Can Have A Relationship In The Yaoi World

by Storiesarelife1903



Series: When Two People In A Series Interact At All, Then It's Likely They Will Be Paired Together By At Least Some Fangirls, Even If That Pairing Originally Hate Eachother. True Story [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Alcohol, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cute story, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Kissing, Love/Hate, M/M, Romance, Snow, Winter, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:21:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5402804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storiesarelife1903/pseuds/Storiesarelife1903
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a secret. At their age, and because they're both men, Hijikata and Gintoki keep their...whatever relationship that they're in a secret. It was for the best; but how can you possibly keep such a content relationship? Again, because of their age. No use getting upset since they barely see eachother. No use crying over spilled milk. It was work that kept them apart for most of the week, or month in some cases. But recently Hijikata has felt and emptiness. For some reason, it's only when he isn't around the sugar-psycho, Gintoki. He doesn't want to make assumptions, but he can't help feel that way towards such a useless human being. And, useless or not, Hijikata feels that there's more to their "relationship" than a past mutal hatred.</p><p>Contains Yaoi, basically. And sex. But also cute stuff. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mutal Hate Actually Means You Can Have A Relationship In The Yaoi World

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Gintama! Yaay! I love this pairing. I don't know what it is about the whole Hate--mostly hate--Love relationships, but I love this one, so much! So, here's my first Hijikata x Gintoki fanfic. Enjoy!
> 
> I don't own Gintama or its chatacters. Also, Yaoi.

Hijikata's POV

It had gotten colder, frost crunching and cracking under my feet as I traversed down the path and past Shinsengumi Headquarter walls. I didn't realise that everything had frozen over since this morning. I was working on papers instead of patrol, which is just as exhausting in my line of work. However, tonight I had a little freedom before the following morning. It had been a while, nearly a month, since I last saw "that guy". I never really gave it a second thought: about what I was doing. I'm in my late twenties and I'm certainly not getting any younger. This "relationship" is...well, it feels strange. Out of everyone in this district to the next I chose "him", of all people. When I really thought about it, it pissed me off. I sometimes forget how it started anyway. I would like to believe that it was under the influence of alcohol, or that it was his fault but...I took the initiative in the end with a very small amount of alcohol in my system. I make it seem regrettable; however, I can't honestly say that. It irritates me and I don't know why exactly. So I end up going in a circle with, what he calls, "the flow". I suppose that's the most accurate description of whatever we're doing. Just going with the flow. I sighed deeply, a cloud of frosted breath swirling in the light breeze that past by. I needed a cigarrette. I reached for my pack from my back pocket, knowing that the bar wouldn't let me smoke inside so I might as well have one before arriving. 

I placed it between my lips and lit it, smoothly--as I was used to it. Aside from the street lights, my cigarrette had the biggest glow on the street. It really was winter, huh? I wondered if he would be waiting outside, as per usual. If he did, he was an idiot. No one would stand out in the freezing cold just to wait for someone. Not like I worried or anything. Even if the cold could freeze your balls off, he would probably cope. Maybe..."Gah, I need to stop thinking about that sugar-addicted freak!!". I yelled within the empty street, stopping in the middle of the path to ruffle up my hair and get these thoughts out of my head. I'm the idiot here!-I'm the idiot!! Why the hell do I have to get all flustered when thinking about his stupid face?!

("Hijikata-kun, it's cold. Wanna cuddle?") 

"As if I'd expect him to say that! What am I, a girl in high school?!" Recently, I keep thinking about him when we're apart--Gintoki Sakata. We started this fruitless relationship out of-I don't even remember-and I didn't feel much except the sex, which was fine-but now I feel all weird about him. I used to hate that guy-and his stupid attitude! But now we were...something...of an item. I just realised that I had crouched on the ground, staring into a blurry reflection of myself within the frosted ice. I dropped my cigarrette while pointlessly fretting. Shit...I act defensive about it to myself, hoping that I would make myself feel better about getting into a physical relationship with the person I hated the most. His attitude stinks, he has a natural perm, he really just harbours a useless existence. But...Why do I feel so empty when I'm on my own and not with him? It's different at work; work keeps me distracted. I only spend my free time with him as of recently, yet when he has work and I don't, I feel...an emptiness, even when we're not going through the stage of obnoxious banter or threats. Sometimes I think that I might have grown accustomed to that stupid face. The defensive side of me didn't want that, I didn't want to get too close to anyone anymore. They just seem to...disappear from my life. I've lost quite a few people since I was a child, and I've felt so much pain from it. Is that why I won't get too close to Gintoki? Why I continue this so-called "relationship" without a word? Why I want to ignore this emptiness? Does that make me seem...afraid? "Tch, as if". I stood up, wavering my moment of deep thought, just to ignore it. The defensive butt in again and stopped me from thinking anymore about it. It would seem like I was running from some sort of truth, but I wished to look at it realistically. At our age, and because we're both men, a proper relationship wouldn't suit us both. I thought about this for a fraction of a second so that it was quickly out of my head, hopefully never to return. Besides, I don't think I can truely love again. There, I said it, almost as if I had thought about that is well. All I know is, I can never say such a thing like the word "love" out loud. Never... 

The more local areas had quite a few people wandering around, mostly couples near the hotel districts or bars. I turned a corner smoothly, dropping the rest of my cigarrette onto the ground and crushing it with the bottom of my shoe. I blew out one last breath and then stopped dead in my tracks. "That idiot"...was the first thought to enter my mind, along with another heavy sigh of breath. I chose not to hesitate any longer. "Oi, what are you doing standing out in the cold? You could have waited inside". Gintoki really did stand out in the cold, his cheeks red even though he wrapped up as much as he could. He looked at me with a stern furrow of his brow. "What took you so long? I'm freezing my balls off here". "I was at work, unlike someone". "Hey! I work hard you tax thief! For your information, Odd Jobs get's a lot of work during winter-especially when it's cold and snowing". "Doing what? Shovelling paths and driveways?" "Yeah! How else am I gonna feed myself-plus two kids and a mutant mutt?!" "No need to sound so aggressive. I get it, I get it. You work hard; good job". "Don't pity-praise me!" "Are you done? Let's get inside. Your lips are turning blue". I didn't initially intend this; but I ended up gently feeling the cold of Gintoki's cheek with my knuckles. His cheeks suddenly blasted with a sharp heat. "Wh-what are you doing?" "You really are freezing. Come on, Yorozuya. I'll get you a drink". I ignored him, knowing what I did-but not knowing why I did it. I just opened the sliding doors to the bar with my back turned to Gintoki as he followed. Right before I did turn my back, at the corner of my eye, I did see a shy expression on his face. Seeing it for that one second and realising what kind of expression it was made my heart thump in my chest. I had to stop this feeling...But how? 

We sat down at the counter, drinking as we normally did, although we barely saw eachother enough to drink often. "So, uh, how are things going with you? I mean: with work, Spectacles and China girl?" "Fine. We're managing, somehow. You?" "Exhausting. Work keeps piling up and I barely get any free time, as Vice Chief. So, I'm sorry that we can hardly see eachother". "What are you apologising for? I'm a grown man, I can deal with it. Not like we're a couple of high school kids who feel the need to see eachother all the time, are we?" "No, your right". This isn't what couples really do. They go on dates like the movies or a restaraunt or something. Our usual date involves getting a drink, maybe getting a bite to eat of ramen if we have the time. Our "dates" usually end up in the bedroom with sex and alcohol. Can't say that it's a date or that we're a couple. It doesn't ever feel that way, especially since we don't ever act intimately outside of the bedroom. We've never kissed outside or even held hands. Clearly we're not a couple-and aren't cut out to be. I think that I can be satisfied with that, and so can Yorozuya, but it irritates me to think that way. The empty feeling returns time and time again and doesn't give me a break. "What's up? You're acting really strangely tonight. Did you not get your dose of mayonnaise today?" "Don't make jokes". "Why so serious?" Don't. "Did something happen?" Don't act concerned for me. "Uh, no. I'm just a little irritated. Sorry". "Sounds more like sexual frustration". "Are you drunk already?" "Nah, I'm good. I've only had two shots". "Then why are you so giddy?" "I dunno. I guess I...". Gintoki paused, smiling softly. "Nevermind. I was gonna say something stupid there". When don't you ever say stupid things? "Don't drink too much. I don't wanna have to carry home". "Yeah~. That would be a shame. Shinpachi and Kagura are at home so, if that happened we wouldn't get to do you-know-what". He muttered that under his breath, but the audio of his tone was clear enough for me, and only me, to hear. My face warmed up at that. I hoped that he wouldn't have noticed, but all I saw was that soft smile of his with a mix of slight intoxication. 

I shook my head, taking another quick drink. I had to calm down. "Oi, you slow down too. Don't warn me not to get drunk when your the one downing the sake so quickly. Hey, are you listening?" I had to calm down. I had to calm down. The words repeated in my head as I tried to ease my excitement. Excitement? Was I excited for this? For later tonight? No, I couldn't think about it. It would only make it worse. All I could do was drink until I didn't give a damn. That made me a hypocrite, huh? 

We walked out of the bar. I felt like the only one who was intoxicated, or at least a little tipsy. Gintoki, on the other hand, seemed fine. It was late into the evening, maybe about eleven o'clock or something like that? No one was around. "Geez, you told me not to get wasted-yet look at you. Unbelievable. Do you know what you're like when you're drunk?" I wasn't really listening to his words, but his voice. It caused a reaction within me that wasn't physically apparent. The alcohol in my system just took over for me, banashing any nervousness that I felt before. I swayed my left arm smoothly, my hand catching Gintoki's in the moment. It was chilly. "H-hey, what are you doing, moron? We're in public!" His voice was hushed, his cheeks redder than what they were from the cold. "It's dark, and no one's around anyway". "Uu...That's true, but...". I looked to him, my walking pace slowing down little by little as I studied his face. He was blushing, clearly. It didn't seem so stupid anymore, his face I mean. It was...endearing. "At least warn me first, idiot". Maybe it was because we were both intoxicated, because we were alone, because we had seemed to have gotten a little closer recently-or perhaps all of the above. But, then and there, I saw a glimmer in our current relationship. This was the first time we had ever held hands, and neither of us were really bothered since there was no one around to see it. It felt like we were the only two people in the world. That may have been the alcohol talking; something for my sober-self to blame all of my strange behaviour on. We had dunk alcohol, we were both in our late twenties, we were both men in a physical relationship--excuses, excuses, excuses. How much longer could I keep those up until I face some sort of epiphany in my life? Until I honestly try to figure out my feelings for this man, for Gintoki. It seems easier to lie and avoid getting hurt, but at the same time that lie just seems to hurt you more. I went through that once before, but still I hesitate to go through it again. We've only went out a few times, had sex a few times, and had only just held hands for the first time in that dark, empty street. Yet why did I feel this glimmer? Why did I feel this emptiness suddenly be overcome? It was confusing, but I wasn't thinking straight in my condition. Somehow, I suppose my body talked for me for the time being. 

"Hey, Hijikata, there are more people around up ahead. Let go before we get recognised". "Yah know what? I think I'm drunk enough to not give a damn. Besides, it's people we don' know so it's fine". "Like hell it is! You're the Vice Chief of the Shinsengumi! In your uniform, they'd recognised you in a seond, idiot!" "So noisy...". I stopped walking. My body was totally taking over at this point while I put logic and reason to sleep. In my drunken state I thought; "who gives a shit about reason when you're a little wasted?" No one. I turned to Gintoki, letting go of his hand for the time being as I gently shoved him to the wall of a small cigarrette stall, luckily closed with the shutter covering it up. Gintoki, surprisingly, didn't resist. Maybe the surprise that caught him off-guard. Even when I carelessly ran my fingers through his natural perm and, without thinking, pressed our lips together. My movement towards doing so was a little slow, as if my conscious self wanted him to resist, push me away, call me and Idiot Mayora or something. But Gintoki was still. The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and met lips with him was a surprised, blushing face. It didn't look stupid. His face didn't look stupid at all...for some reason.

Our lips very gently moulded together, a chilly and sharp sensation landing on my cheek and soon covering my hair. My hands were colder, the palms still warm from Yorozuya's deep blush. I slid my leg through his legs so I could lean in further, press his back further into the wall. I licked his securely shut lips, which parted easily. He allowed me to enter with a moan emittiing from the back of his throat that vibrated against my lips. "Mnn...". "...". He was gripping the front of my shirt tightly, almost nervously. I didn't know that the people who Gintoki spotted earlier were passing us, but I could kind of hear them. ("Ooh! It's snowing!" ("Wow, so gorgeous. Just like you"). ("Awh, shush!") Their voices were a distant echo, only worth ignoring. But they didn't seem to notice the activity that was going on against this abandoned cigarrette stall. Eventually, I pulled away slowly. A saliva string connected our lips, and could have easily turned into an icicle. Upon opening my eyes, I saw Gintoki right in front of me with snow drifting around him. He was panting softly, as I was. "See? Who gives a damn if they see or don't see us kissing or holding hands? I did it 'cause I wanted to, enough said. I don't care if people see the Shinsigumi Vice Chief make-out with the guy he's seeing. Got a problem with that?" Gintoki was quiet, still staring at me, right before he turned his head away and covered his lips with his hand. "You really are an idiot, Hijikata". I didn't take the time to process that insult and produce a comeback. I just grabbed Gintoki's hand, pressing my lips to his again. "Mn! Nnh...hmmn...mmph". He relaxed against me in a few, short seconds. I was just holding his hand, kissing him in a public street, wrapping my arm around his slim waist to even "hug" him, I suppose. It was all so new, and it made my heart race like crazy. Of course, I couldn't tell him that without sounding like a character from some shoujo manga. Still, I had this insane urge to express it to him while I was still in this condition. He would hopefully understand and take it seriously, he would hopefully remember for me, he would hopefully...feel the same way. What then? Would we kiss and have our happy ending? I didn't know. This was reality, which isn't a kind place. All I could do was think; "fuck it" and get on with dragging him to the nearest love hotel so we could end the night. But, deep down, I didn't want it to end without telling him...something about these weird feelings. How much longer would it go through my head until I actually said it? My mind went blank. I didn't know...but I honestly did give a crap about it. 

The door to our hotel room opened with a turn of a key and with an impatient turn of the handle. Dropping the key on the set of drawers nearby and shutting the door, we both held eachother to do what we had been waiting for after nearly a whole month. Our lips clashed and my hips reacted on their own, pressing against Gintoki. "Ah-haa...You're already...". He muttered quietly, his cheeks red. This was a side of Yorozuya that Spectacles, China girl, or anyone else for that matter, couldn't see. I might have been the first and only one to see him so flustered. "I can't help it. Then again, you're really hard here too". I pressed myself against him, seeing him react with a sudden jolt before clinging to me slightly. "Ah! Hiji-...kata...W-wait. I can't-mmnh!" I prevented him from speaking, out of impatience and lust. Our lips clashed again, my tongue prying his lips open more. It was odd how such a physically and emotionally strong person could submit so easily to even a deep kiss. There was the alcohol, of course, but...was it just me who he was submitting to with little effort? "Mn, mnn...Mnh, mn-bwahah~...". He took a deep breath once I allowed him to. Did the idiot forget to breath? I cupped both his cheeks, both cold from the winter air, and kissed few spots around his cool, but flushed, skin. "Gintoki...". I whispered his name in heavy breaths. He shivered, his fingers digging into the back of my shirt desperately as he hugged me, burying his flushed face into my shoulder. We were so close, acting so affectionate. It felt new. Were we not like this on previous occassions? Damn, I couldn't remember. Why is every memory with him so fuzzy and blurry? 

"Hijikata...hurry up. I...haa...This is killing me...". He was almost whimpering, wanting me to touch him. "Okay, okay. But it's cold. Want to get under the covers?" "Sure. It's cold in here, so...yeah...". I pulled away slightly, taking Gintoki's hand. His face only flushed more in his excitement. It made me wonder what exactly was going through his head. He's usually so aloof and cool about things. I brought out this more human side of him, I suppose. I think he does the same for me. Shit, I was getting so lost in thought but...I couldn't stop it or back away from it. Not this time. Gintoki sat on the edge of the bed. I cupped his cheeks again, feeling the new warmth radiate through them. "Your hands are cold". He pointed out, cupping my cheeks as well. "Yours too. Don't worry. I'll warm you up". I said this as I gently pushed Gintoki onto his back. From the soft impact, his naturally wavy hair was even more messed up than it usually is. He covered his eyes with his arm, turning his head away slightly. "Don't say such embarrassing things with such a serious face. Readers might think that this is some Boy's Love romance or something". I would have said, "So what?", but kept it to myself quietly. It was like I wanted to say something of the like, but felt that it could spoil the mood with some cliché love confession. 

I undid the sash of his yukata and pulled it back, which he slipped out of easily. I removed my uniform jacket and threw it to the side, suddenly being pulled in for another deep kiss. While our tongues met and played with eachother aggressively, I pressed against Gintoki's covered crotch again, just to excite him. His reaction made my heart pulse hard against the walls of my chest. "Mnn! Na-ah! Hijikata!" He had to gasp away from the kiss, arching his back as I ground my hips against his. "Mn! Kh!-uh! Mn-nn! Ah-ah! St-stop...Stop te-teasing me! I'll c-come!" "Yeah? You're gonna come from being teased?" I was panting heavily from my own excitement, seeing Gintoki like that just...riled me up. He, in response to my teasing words, covered his mouth with his hand. "Don't. I want to see your face, and hear your voice". I moved his hand, holding his wrist against the mattress. "You jerk...Stupid mayora-haa! Ah...aah...". I kissed his neck while his head was still turned in the other direction. I undid his shirt, revealing his torso when I pushed the curtains of clothing back. As I moved each little butterfly kiss downward, I could feel a ticklish but warm moisture of sweat from his skin. His chest was heaving as he panted. "Haa, haah, ha-aah...m-mn...". I back-tracked towards his chest again, right after planting kisses over his stomach, the tip of my nose flicking one of his hardened nipples for a moment before I slicked my tongue instead. "Ah! Haa, ha-haah...No, don't...S-sto-auh! Haah!" I pressed my tongue against it, dragging the tip teasingly over the hard nub. The noises he was making just from this...It was actually really incredible. 

Shifting away the other half of the shirt, I pinched and twisted the other nipple with my free hand. "Na-ah! Ha-n-no! Haa-hah!" I ended up using both hands to tease his nipples while using my tongue on his neck, sliding over more hot moisture. I caught a whiff of his mop-like silver hair. Sweet...He smelled and tasted sweet. If this wasn't during sex, I would probably have refrained from thinking those things. But this was a time when those thoughts made my heart heavy and my sensible thoughts cloudy. I couldn't think, especially now with this rare opportunity to know his scent. Gintoki was already grabbing the covers tightly behind him, moving his hips up to meet mine. "Haa! Gintoki...". A chill ran up my spine as heat invaded my abdomen and also my crotch. Was he trying to tease me too? I looked at his face, seeing a smirk on his lips. We were both still for a second or two before I felt something just as hard and heavy press against my groin. "A-ah! Haa! Haah!" It was Gintoki's knee. The pressure was a little painful, but mostly consisted of pleasure. God, that made me sound like some sort of masochist. Like hell! "Heh, you're really hard now. Getting a little impatient, Mr Policeman?" What's with the sexy attitude all of a sudden?! Hello? Is Gintoki Sakata still there? Damn it! I took the initiative again, acting like this was some sort of contest between us. I pushed his hair back with my hand before pressing our lips together again. Our tongues met in the middle to circle eachother until I pushed mine past his lips. It provided a short distraction for me to undo his pants. I pulled away, looking down at them so I could pull both his pants and strawberry-pattern boxers down. He followed my gaze, his expression turning in an instant to something more nervous and a little shy. Raising his legs up, I pulled off his bottoms. His legs were shaking, he was gripping the covers again. A real sight to behold, if you ask me. 

I threw the articles of clothing to the floor, watching his legs collapse slightly apart from eachother. He was covering his face slightly with the back of his hand as the other desperately grabbed the section of sheets behind his head. I could still see his deep blush of crimson red and his teary eyes. I couldn't help but admit that he was cute. Really cute. My heart raced. "Um, are you okay?" I asked, in a daze. "F-fine. Just...e-embarrassed". He very quietly admitted his bashfulness. We had done this several times in the past, and I had never heard Gintoki admit embarrassment before. What kind of adult man admits to being embarrassed during sex, after a few other times when he said nothing about it? I suppose you could tell from a blush, but still...was this really different? "It's okay. I'm...a little embarrassed too". Was I trying to cheer him up? Make this easier for him? "Hijikata...". Gintoki wrapped his arms around my neck, giving my lips a quick kiss. "Just...hurry, get it over with". Don't try to act tough when you've already shown me how embarrassed you are. Just look at yourself. I reached down, taking a hold of his erection before stroking it. "M-mn! Nn-nah! Hah...a-aah!" I tugged it slightly, receiving a nice moan and an arch of Gintoki's back. I continued stroking, rubbing it thoroughly until it was starting to leak, really early on too. "A-aah! Ah! Hijikata...Haah, haa, mm-mn! Haah...I-I can't-nn! Hah, haah, i-it's too m-much!" I didn't even speed up yet, but I was about to. "Relax. You look like you're really close anyway. It should be over quick". I whispered in his ear..."Mn-na! Ahh!"...before giving the lobe a lick and the shell a bite. When that happened, his cock shivered and spat out a few droplets of semen. He was really sensitive tonight. I mean, more than usual. 

I gained speed in my hand movements, Gintoki rocking his hips in response. I teased the head and tip, rubbing every inch just to make him feel good while hearing his reactions. "Hah! Ah!-Ahn! Ah! Haah! Haa~! Ha! Ah! I-I'm gonna co-ome! Hijikata! Gh! Nng! Na-ah-aaah!" He arched his back, bucked his hips up, and came all over his stomach. He collapsed back down, panting unevenly, and heavily. I let out a deep breath. "Hoo...Hm, it's really thick". I commented with a smirk. "Have you not touched yourself in a while?" "Sh-shut up, I'm not a teenager". "Right...You're not. Sorry". I kissed his lips for a second, then just stared into his dead fish eyes. Although, they seemed a lot more shiny, which I assumed was because of the tears that built up. It seemed to be getting hotter in the room, despite the cold, so I removed my uniform vest and undid the shirt underneath. Never thought I would do that during winter, but the situation called for it. "You okay? You're shivering". "Cause it's gotten colder". Liar. That could only have been half an answer. "Okay. We'll get under the covers soon. Just...a little more". I leaned down to his stomach, kissing downward again. I was intending to do more, but then that didn't work. Gintoki quickly realised my intentions. I felt a hand run through my hair and grab it, stopping me. "Gah! Wh-what is it?" "Bastard...Don't think I'm the only one who has to get all flustered here, you shitty cop". I raised my head, rubbing it as the pain seeped in. "So? What am I supposed to do about it?" "Nothing, dumbass. Here". Gintoki sat up, struggling slightly. He then, with whatever strength he had, grabbed me by my open shirt and rolled us over. "Woah! Gi-Gintoki!" He got on top of me, his arms visibly shaking. I was nearing the edge of the bed, since we had turned over, but Gintoki ignored it. He held onto my shirt, pressing our lips together. Where did this come from all of a sudden? Was he desperate to keep his pride or something?! 

As if to mimic what I did, while kissing me, he undid my pants and began to pull them down. Upon realsing this, I pulled away from the kiss and grabbed his wrist. "Heyheyhey! What are you doing?! Who said you could pull my pants down?!" "You did it to me, I'm literally freezing my ass off! If you put your dick in there, it would freeze over and get stuck!" "Huuh?! How does that make any sense?! Besides, your asshole's like an oven anyway. If anything, my dick would melt!" More fruitless banter, and at such a time too. Way to spoil the mood. "Here, I'll even show you". I reached over, pushing my middle finger inside his vulnerable rear. "Ah! Ha-haah! Hijikata...n-no...don't...". Gintoki lowered himself down, resting his head against my chest as his fingers were still grabbing my shirt. Only, he was shaking. "See? It's really hot inside". "Okay, okay, I get it. Just-ah! N-not yet! Take it out!" I did so, feeling the weight of Gintoki's limp body lean against me. "I was supposed to make you feel good before we got to that part, you moron". "...?" Well, I should have seen it coming. But did he have to try and pull my pants down? Speaking of which, they had already slid down to just above my knees. I decided to kick them off. If he was gonna be childish about it, then I might as well. They dropped to the floor and Gintoki raised his head when hearing the noise. "Go right ahead. Do what you like until we do get to that part". He looked serious, and gave a nod. "Okay...Just relax and don't move or say anything, got it?" I nodded also in agreement. 

He placed kisses down my chest and to my stomach. Watching him do that was...kinda indescribable. Saying that it turned me on was at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't picture myself admitting that. So I stayed quiet. When at the right part, he took a hold of my erection, running his tongue along the base. 'Hh! Gintoki...haah...". I leaned my head back, keeping my eyes away from the scene in front of me. All I could do was feel each and every sensation that came my way, and try to hold down my voice. Instead of just getting it over with, Gintoki decided to tease me-at least if that was his intention. "Gh-ah...hah...Y-you're not a cat-don't lap up my dick as if you are!" "You know, I was a cat once". He said with a ridiculously serious face, looking up at me. "Don't say that as if it's your character now!" He ignored me, going back to...what he was doing. "Hah! Ah-aah...Gintoki...Gin-nn!" He licked the head swiftly, right before taking in whatever he could. Shit...I wasn't going to last. "Gin-Gintoki...". I called his name breathlessly, pushing his head down further. I couldn't help it. It was really starting to feel good, so I ended up caving in a little bit. "Haa...Haah...". I panted, biting my bottom lip whenever I felt the urge to let my voice out. It was difficult, since he was suddenly really good at this. It was really hot, too. Hot as in the heat! Not-gaaaah! I couldn't concentrate with him sucking and licking at me so thoroughly. He was moving a lot faster than before too. If it kept going, I wouldn't last another second. "G-Gin-nn-nah! I'm gonna...I'm coming!" I held his head down, bucking up my hips as I came. "Hmngh...?!" I gripped onto the sheets, emptying my load. Once it ended, I relaxed and let go of Gintoki. To make sure he was okay, I looked uo at him. "Hey, you alright?" He kept his head down, a hand over his mouth. Then, among the silence, I heard a huge gulp. 

Surprised, I sat up. "Hey, are you okay? You didn't have to swallow it!" "...Bwahah~...". He raised his head, panting heavily, a string of drool-or something else-sliding down his chin. He coughed. "Of course I did. I'm not gonna spit it out-that's worse". I sighed. "Here, it's on your chin". "I can clean it off myself". Even as he quietly protested, he allowed me to wipe his chin. "Heh, that was quite thick. Looks like you haven't been touching yourself either". "Shut up. I'm not gonna do it at work". "Well neither am I". As I wiped his chin with my thumb and fingers, something below caught my eye. I didn't give much of a reaction. "You got hard again". "Don't stare at it!" "Why the hell did you get hard so quicky?" "Cause you're moanig and c-calling my name like that got me excited!" Just from that? I shook my head. "Alright, time to roll over". "Eh? Wha-wah!" I rolled us over again, back to the center of the bed. "Oof...!" I leaned over him, spreading out his legs with little effort. "H-hey, are we really doing this now?" "Calm down. I'm just going to prepare you first". Gintoki said nothing in reply, he just lay there with his gaze averted to the side. I raised one of his legs by the bend in his knee, using my left hand to do the work. I entered my middle finger, pushing it in as far as I could manage for the time being. "Hmn! Nn! Nah-haah...Nng! N-nnh!" Gintoki was back to gripping the sheets, squirming as the sensation moved around inside of him. I moved my finger back and forth slowly, watching his face and listening to his voice. "Hn! Nn! Ha-ah! Hijikata...It feels weird...". "That's because we haven't done this in a month. It feels really hot and tight inside". "D-don't say...hmn!...embarrassing things like tha-aa!" I pushed in a second finger, moving both fingers in and out in unison. "Wah-hah, a-ah! Haa...haah...ku-ugh!" It was starting to feel a little...wet inside. Was he turned on? Seemed like it. I pressed my fingers in deeper, rubbing him against the damp and hot walls until I pressed against a certain spot. "Haah! A-aa! N-no...Not th-there! Hijika-aah!" Pushing my fingers deeply against that spot, Gintoki squirmed and moaned. His cock twitched at the sudden feeling. "Haa...You like that spot? Does it feel good, Gintoki?" "Hmn...Haah...D-don't ask me. This-haah! Ha-ah! Haah...W-wait! Don-nn! Na-ah!" As I started moving my fingers again, I licked the tip of his twitching erection, which made it twitch more. Then I took the head into my mouth, licking the base up to the head again. Gintoki ran his fingers through my hair desperately, seemingly unsure as to whether pull me away or push me down. By the sound of his moans, I went with the latter. 

I added a third finger, pushing it inside that tight gap, as I took more of him into my mouth. "Huu-uu! Mn! N-nah! Ah! Hijika-aah! Ah! N-no! Do-oh! I can't-nnh! Haa, hah! Hijikata~!" His insides felt like they were leaking. As I pressed against that particular spot, his moans became loud and his voice sounding more desperate. There was that and the tormenting pleasure of being sucked off at the same time. "Hah! Ah! Ah-aah! Haah! Hijikata! I can't! I-I can't t-take anymo-oh! Auh! I can't take anymo-ore! I'm going to-ah! Aah! I'm coming! I'm gonna c-come!" Hearing his voice go all soft and high was pushing me to my limit, as well as his. He was leaking from both his cock and his entrance. He must have felt really good. "Does it feel good, Gintoki?" I asked for a moment, licking the head again. "I-It feels goo-ooh! Ah! Haah...It feels good! I'm co-auh! I'm about to-ah! Aah! Uwaaah!" He came, the sudden explosion making my reflexes kick in. I backed away quickly, luckily avoiding his climax. I pulled my fingers out as I left him to catch his breath. He looked at me eyes watering. "Gintoki, are you-". "P-put it in me...". He muttered, tears managing to escape from his eyes. I was very surprised by his words. "P-put it in me, Hijikata. I can't hold back anymore. Please, put it inside...". My face felt very hot at this point. He really meant it. "Okay...I can't hold back either. Relax, okay? Just relax". I raised up his legs. Good thing I had gotten hard again from hearing him call out to me like that. I held both legs by the knee, bending them slightly so I could just lean down and kiss his lips. "Ready...?" He nodded without a word. I held my own erection to guide it inside, momentarily letting his leg hang in the air. This was it... 

I guided the head inside with a shaky breath. Immediatly, Gintoki squeezed around me. "Mnh! Nn! Haah...". I checked to see if he was okay, as I had stopped to do so. I let him take a breath before pushing more inside. "Guu! Uu! Mn-nn! Hah! A-agh! Aah!" I pushed it all the way in, hearing Gintoki become a lot more vocal. It was still wet and slippery inside, which made penetrating less of a challenge. I grabbed his leg again, pushing myself deeper inside until I reached the end. "Haah! A-ah! Hijika-ah! Ahn! S-so big! I-it hu-urts! I can't-nnh! Nah-ah! Haah...haa...". I stopped, reaching tne hilt of the base. It was a chance for us to catch our breath and take our time before I started moving. This, in fact, didn't take too long to begin. It wss tight, but I knew I could move a little and loosen it up soon. So I began. Moving my hips back slowly, sliding across the walls of Gintoki's entrance until we were just connected at the head. He groaned, biting his lip in order to stop his voice. It didn't work, especially when I moved back in. "Nn-nah! Haah! Haa! A-ah~! Haah...". I kept this up, picking up speed bit-by-bit until he got used to it. 

Somewhere in the middle, however, I lost control and picked up my speed. It was starting to feel good, after all. "Haah...haa...Gintoki...". I called his name, watching him struggle as I sped up, hitting against his insides faster than before. "Hah! Ah! A-aah! W-wait! No! Hijikata-ah!-Ahn! Hah! Haah...W-wai-aih! Ah! Haah! Hahh!" Although it hurt before, it was clear that it was starting to feel good for Gintoki as well. I pushed on, thrusting harder as I tried to find his good spot. "Nah! Wa-aahn! Ah! Hiji-nn! Nnh! N-nah! Ah-AH!" He bucked his hips up, arching his back when I suddenly thrust hard, and deeply. I found it, and I didn't stop. "Hijikata-Ah! Ah! Hah! Ahn! W-wai-ah! Ah! Wait!" "Does it feel good, Gintoki?" "Nnh! N-nah-aah! Y-yeah! It feels goo-ooh! Oh! It feels good!" "How good?" "R-really good! S-so good! Ah! Ahh! So good! I can't-aah! Ah! Aahn! Nah! Haah! I can't take it! N-no more!" His moans tang out throughout the room. So much so that the whole building could probably hear his moans and whines of pure pleasure. "No more~! I feel t-too good! I'm gonna come!" His cock started to leak, as mine did. I was getting close too. My whole body was hot, screaming for release. I was so close. "Me too. I'm gonna come too. Gintoki...". I leaned down as much as I could, kissing his lips while my thrusts continued. Our tongues tangled and pushed together, my release vastly approuching. But not as quickly as Gintoki's. "I-it's coming out! Hijikata! I'm about to-nah! Ah! Ah-aaah! Ah! Uwa-aaaahh!" Gintoki thrust his hips up suddenly, throwing his head back as he reached his climax. I wasn't done, so I kept thrusting. But I was close, really close. "Hijikata, again! I'm coming! Ah-ah! Uwah! Aa-aaaah!" He came again, squeezing tightly around me--tightly enough to give me my release. "Gintoki! A-aah!" I came inside, climaxing at the same time as Gintoki. We did it...We finished. 

Panting filled the room. It was quiet now, not a sound except for each heavy breath heaving from our lungs. The only sensation that past us was the heat that replaced the winter coldand the tingling feeling when I pulled out. Gintoki looked quite tired, dazed, out of it. I was too, which is why I...let my heart suddenly take over in the moment. Around Gintoki, I feel like I'll end up saying something stupid, in a moment like this. I'll say something that will even surprise the both of us. I'm not good with this sort of shoujo manga, romance setting. I never have been, but...if, in this moment, I allow all my feelings to pour out...What then? Do things change? Will things change between us? No...I can't. Saying that stupid thing...It will change things. If things change, one of us my get hurt someday--if not now. I...

"Gintoki...". 

I don't want that. If I do come to terms with my true feelings for him, and I say that one stupid thing..."Gintoki...". things will change and we could both get hurt. If, or when,that happens, I'll lose someone else in my life. "Gintoki, I...". You'll disappear. "...?" I can't. I doesn't matter how many times we fought or argued in the past, or whenever we meet during the day. Deep down, I...I don't want Gintoki to disappear from me. But the more these feelings grow, the less I am able to control then or simply keep them to myself. It hurts. Why must it hurt so much? I held Gintoki in my arms, the feelings that I had bottled up for so long were finally ready to spill out all at once. No, I couldn't. If I said anything..."Gintoki, I think that I...". The fear overwhelmed me the most, my pride cast away as I let everything hang by a thread. I wanted to say it...but I struggled. The words caught up in my throat and I was unable to rasp them out. I only hugged him tighter, a feeble attempt to get my feelings through. By then, Gintoki's panting had slowed down and was a lot softer against my shoulder and neck. He relaxed, and then...he hugged me too. Even if I couldn't see his face, I could sense a soft smile across his lips. "...Me too, Hijikata". He whispered. My heart thumped in my chest, but I soon relaxed. "Gintoki...". I kissed his cheek once, only for him to turn his head and return it with a kiss to the lips. "Hijikata...". I pressed our lips together firmly, his fingers grabbing the back of my shirt. We had connected physically several times now, but tonight we seem to have connected emotionally too. My words didn't exactly get through totally, but hearing that Gintoki understood and felt the same was enough for the time being. With that, I felt like I could say it properly one day. I could be honest and not be afraid to tell him those three little words that made my heart race like crazy. I couldn't admit that fully yet. But someday, during a night like this, I would hold Gintoki in my arms, kiss him and tell him that stupid thing...that wonderful, amazing thing that would hopefully only make our relationship stronger. 

... 

A cloud of smoke drifted above me, the scent of my cigarrattes polluting the sheets and the pillows. My chest was bare, but I put my pants back on while Gintoki too his turn cleaning up. He lay neck to me, back exposed as he hugged the pillow in front of him. He seemed to be deep in thought. "What's up?" I asked, turning my head away from the ceiling and from my cigarrette. "Is the smell bothering you?" "Nah, the smell reminds me of you". "How so?" "Musty and disgusting". "How am I either of those things?!" "But...". Gintoki looked to me, his head resting against his pillow. "They are your cigarrettes and...since we've been "together" quite a few times, I kinda like the smell". I didn't respond, I just took another drag, averting my gaze from him. "Wanna hear something?" He asked, resting his chin back on the pillow. "Sure. What is it?" "I think this is the first proper love confession I've ever gotten". My heart beat pulsed for a second. I cleared my throat, turning on my side to shake the ash of my cigarrette off into the ashtray next to me. "Uh, what about that stalker ninja?" "She doesn't count-believe me. Don't say anything that disgusting again, please". "Well, if it's any consolation, I've never really received a proper love confession either. So-ahem...". I kept my back turned, aware of my own blush. "Wow...That actually makes me kinda happy". Shit, shit, shit. I was happy, too. But he actually admitted it. "Hijikata...". The covers shifted and rustled behind me. I turned back to see Gintoki crawl over next to me. I flinched slightly, but didn't back away-cause I couldn't. 

He came in closer and stopped until our noses were nearly touching. "You'll say it for real one day, won't you?" "Huh?" "That you, you-know-what?" "Only if you say it, and mean it". I looked away, taking another drag of my cigarrette to try and relax--but even that wasn't working. Then, all of a sudden, Gintoki rested his head on my shoulder to whisper in my ear. "I will, don't worry". We were still for a second, right until I hugged him. He hugged back, securely. I sighed, letting smoke drift past my lips as I held him. It drifted past his shoulder and disappeared into the air. I always thought that things like love and romance were the same. They were there one moment, and gone the next. It's the same with all kinds of love. But with a lack of experience comes fear and anxiety. This was the first time that I had cared or liked anyone so much, going ad far as to use the word "love". But for this man...This man with stinking attitude, a natural perm and an overall useless existence was the man who I fell in love with after only so much fighting and arguing, leading to a night of alcohol and sex. I think...I think I feel this way because of so much more. Once I truely figure it out, I'll tell him, I'll say those words that I've been hiding for so long and maybe our relationship can mean a lot more. That's what I wanted. As if I could explain all of that. Well, in the end...All of that, all my feelings can only be explained in a few words... 

I love you, Gintoki... 

~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaaaaaah....I finished! Haah...That was...different. Maybe I'll end up writing a few more of these in the future, although I can't possibly match the humor aspect of Gintama-no way! But I hope the romance was okay. And I hoped you enjoyed reading my first proper Gintama fanfiction. Thanks. Bye.


End file.
